mariandschwartz

The path to healing after suicide loss is different for every survivor, yet all paths have the same elements in common. Survivors cope with shock, guilt, and anger. They also experience feelings of rejection, stigma, and shame. A Harvard study states that “…a loss through suicide is like no other, and grieving can be especially complex and traumatic.”

It has been over forty years since I wrote a novel in which the widow of a man who took his life writes to him every night. She waits until their two young children are in bed. Then she writes.

Her name is Jenny Weaver. She is so lonely it hurts. She impulsively moves from the Northeast to California a year after his death, and she has made only one friend. She doesn’t belong to a support group. She’s finding it difficult being a single mother. And she doesn’t want anyone to know how her husband died.

The novel was my way of coping with the death of a young man who took his life. He had so much promise. And then he was gone. I was in graduate school at the time, and my major was poetry. I wrote the first line of what I thought would be a poem, “My children are gambling.”

The poem grew, as did a character who took up residence in my head. Every day when I started to write, I could hear Jenny Weaver’s voice. I could see her working through her grief and anger. It was as if I had no alternative. I had to tell her story.

After the book was published, I began receiving letters from people who were survivors of suicide loss. This was before the internet. Some letters were typed; others were handwritten. I still have the letters, which were deeply moving. A woman who had lost her son said, “Soon after his death I wrote him a letter which I carry in my handbag—a last thread of contact with him.”

I didn’t fully understand the connection between reading, writing, and suicide loss until years later, when I talked to a woman who headed a large suicide support group in Northern Virginia. She mentioned that my novel was in the library of her support group. I was surprised. “But it is fiction,” I said. I hadn’t told her about the young man whose suicide I had coped with by writing the book.

She explained that even though Jenny Weaver’s circumstances weren’t the same as theirs, survivors in the group could identify with her struggles and with the path she took that lead to healing after suicide loss.

In her article Reading to Wellness, Francesca Baker discusses bibliography, which is healing through reading. “Books can help to provide different perspectives and the suggestion of an alternative course of action.”

Beyond Blue suggests that suicide survivors keep a journal to record their thoughts, which is what Debbie Baird did. When her 29-year-old son, Matthew, took his life in 2009, she didn’t think she would ever recover from her grief. She began a journal as a way of connecting with him and continued writing for years. “If you had told me in the early days that I would feel better again, I would never have believed you,” she said.

Elizabeth Gilbert observed that “Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted.” The path to healing after suicide loss isn’t a straight line. There are twists and turns, as Jenny Weaver discovered. But the path was there and she found it.

To get the most out of a writing conference depends on the reason you are considering attending one. Choosing a conference that meets your needs and interests is essential. Before you commit your time and money, there are questions you should ask:

• Do you need and/or want help with a manuscript?
• How much one-to-one help do you expect?
• Do you hope to learn from writers whose work you respect?
• Are you self-published and seeking marketing advice?
• Are you looking for a literary agent to represent you?

A writers’ conference might have a lofty reputation, but if it doesn’t offer what you are looking for, it is likely that it won’t be worth the cost. If it meets your criteria, you’ll have a positive experience and feel that you made a good investment in your career.

MANUSCRIPTS

Conferences that offer individual manuscript critiques charge extra for them. They also set specific time limits—anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour—and require prior registration.The Jackson Hole Writers’ Conference here, for example, has both short and long conferences. They accept 15 pages for the basic evaluation and up to 40 pages for longer critiques. There is an additional charge for re-sending revised pages. Applicants are advised to apply well in advance because individual manuscript critiques fill up quickly.

I’m not sure how helpful these critiques are. I have had only one experience with an individual manuscript critique at a writers’ conference, and the experience has made me wary of them. The writer who criticized the 50 pages of a manuscript I had given him was a brilliant writer and teacher, but the advice he gave me was wrong. He told me to change the story from the first person to the third person. Fortunately, my novel was accepted by a New York publisher less than a month later. The change he suggested would have ruined the book.

If submitting a manuscript is your primary reason for attending a writers’ conference, an alternative might be hiring an experienced freelance editor to help you. Your entire manuscript will be read, and you will get one-on-one attention. A good editor will catch your mistakes from plot weaknesses to changing the color of a character’s eyes. If you’re wondering where you can find a good editor, join KBoards Writers’ Café here. After you join, you can go on Writers’ Café and start a new thread asking writers in your genre to recommend editors they have used and been satisfied with. The writers on the forum are generous with their help. There is also the Yellow Pages on KBoards (under the tab “Other”) for a listing of editors offering their services.

WRITING STAFF

There are several things to look at here. First, are there writers on the faculty whom you respect who write in your genre? If you are unfamiliar with their work, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t attend the conference. You can read one or two of their books before making a decision.

Second, are the writers who are lecturing effective teachers? Being a skilled novelist doesn’t make a writer a skilled teacher. If you are going to the conference to learn as much as you can about the craft of writing, try to find feedback on members of the staff.

There is no magic formula for writing a best-selling book, but you can learn valuable writing tips from good teachers. I still remember an observation made by a staff writer at a conference I attended years ago: “The best villain is the one you treat kindly.”

SELF-PUBLISHING

More and more conferences are offering courses on marketing for self-published authors. Trade published authors can learn from these courses as well. With the flood of books that are being published, informed marketing is crucial to success.

Unfortunately, some conferences that have marketing featured on their home pages actually have only one or two sessions devoted to marketing. The best way to find out the scope of marketing sessions offered is to check the schedule from the previous year as well as the proposed schedule for this year.

There is one more thing to say about self-publishing: not all conferences look favorably upon self-published authors. Several years ago Jim Rudnick, a successful writer of science fiction, posted on KBoards Writers’ Café about the literary snobbery he encountered at some literary conferences he attended here.

Self-published writers will probably not feel welcome at Bread Loaf, Sewanee, etc. There are a number of less well known conferences where self-published writers will encounter the same attitude. These conferences focus on writers who want to be trade published. If you are self-published or planning to be self-published, you need to do your homework to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you would feel uncomfortable.

LOOKING FOR A LITERARY AGENT

Every year more conferences are offering pitching sessions in which conference attendees pay extra to pitch their books to agents. These sessions are tense. Are they worth it? Do they work?

In her article, “Are Writing Conferences Worth It?” J.H. Moncrieff wrote about her experiences pitching for agents at conferences she attended here. After giving her reasons, she concluded that pitching sessions are a waste of time.

Agents tell everyone who pitches to them to send their manuscripts, which is easier than telling writers to their faces that they aren’t interested. Meanwhile, conferences are collecting money for sessions that are going nowhere.

Occasionally writers get agents at writers’ conferences, but it doesn’t happen often. Although some conferences have the happy faces of writers who found agents on their homepages, they offer no statistics. If getting an agent is your primary purpose for attending a writers’ conference, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

You can learn more about the odds of getting an agent at a writers’ conference by reading the blog post “Pitching for Agents at Writers’ Conferences: What are the Odds?” on my website. here

REASON TO ATTEND A CONFERENCE

Elise Blackwell went from being skeptical about conferences to endorsing them, with some reservations. here Like many other writers, she is enthusiastic about the friendships writers can make. It’s valuable to get to know people who are in the same place you’re in. These friendships can last a lifetime.

Writers on the faculty go to conferences for the same reason, to renew old friendships and make new ones. They write blurbs for each other’s books and share helpful information. It is also an opportunity for them to talk to agents and publishers.

BE A SMART SHOPPER

It doesn’t hurt to be wary when you are reading an article extolling the benefits of attending writing conferences. You might find a pitch to attend a specific conference toward the end of the article. As Elise Blackwell says, “Those considering attending a conference should investigate them well.”

In today’s publishing world new enterprises are started every day that try to make money by selling something to writers—promotional sites, courses on becoming a bestselling author, promises of effective marketing management, etc. The list is endless. Writers’ conferences are no exception; they are in business to make money. They are competing with each other, and they are charging for extras wherever they can. Compare the faculty, the schedule, the facilities, and the travel and housing expenses when you shop.

Marian D. Schwartz

The Writers’ Conference: A Novel will give you the experience of being inside a conference. Click on the link to find out more: https://mariandschwartz.com/writers-conference-ebook/

“I enjoyed every minute that I spent reading this excellent novel, and I was pleased to read so many reviews from writers who confirm that the description of the conference is quite accurate.”  A. Rees

“Some conferences are more respectable than others. All are there to take your cash. In The Writers’ Conference, Marian D. Schwartz tackles the topic with glee, laying bare the underbelly of one such event. It’s fiction, of course, but the writers, agents, publishers and academics who populate her story are clearly drawn from experience… a fun read for everyone, and a useful education for anyone who might be thinking of a writing career. The story moves along quickly and holds the reader’s interest all the way to the exciting (and surprising) ending.”  Peter C. Foster, author